Battle

What a full couple of days...

Brett Favre officially retired...again. I, along with many Packer fans I'm sure, refuse to acknowledge that Brett did not end his career with the Pack. Let's have a selective memory..I decide not to remember that Brett, my all-time favorite player, decided to attempt to tarnish his legacy by coming back to a 4-12 team and turning it into a 9-7 powerhouse. Agree to forget, ok, good. :)

He still is my all-time favorite player...although the Pack have this new guy Aaron Rodgers that I was impressed with and have become a big fan of.

I decided to become a DJ for the campus radio station, anyone can listen to me on Fridays from 10:00 am to 11:30 am. Weird time, but hey, it works in my crazy schedule. Not only will it give me another activity for my med school app, but it might turn out to be a good time!

I had my floor Bible study last night and we discussed Ephesians 6. This is definitely one of the greatest "manly" (as we so eloquently put it last night) passages of the Bible. Nothing like some swords, armor, and flaming arrows to get the testosterone pumping! It made me seriously think about the battle we all face with Satan and how exactly we can defeat him with Christ.

The past year and a half or so has been very challenging for me spiritually. Some circumstances have made it a tough year, mainly a mission trip that I led that turned into one of the most challenging and hurtful times of my life. I was co-leading with a former best friend. Things turned south between us during the trip based on his behavior. Being betrayed by a friend is tough stuff, but God has led me through it. Through it I have learned the tough lesson of what bitterness can do to one's soul. For so long I wanted to make this individual pay for what he did to me over there, to make him feel an ounce of what he made me feel by betraying me. This led to increasing resentment and lack of ability to trust others who began to get close to me. Let me speak to anyone and everyone. Bitterness, resentment, and revenge are NOT acceptable ways to deal with disappointment and hurt...they lead to more hurt and a callousing over of the heart.

In part because of this and because of my general leanings towards letting earthly goals overtake heavenly goals, I have slowly slid away from the close relationship I had with God during high school and my early college years. It has all been the result of Satan's attacks on me, just like the ones Paul talks about in Ephesians 6.

Tonight, I happily announce that through putting on the armor of God and finding the ability to forgive, I feel as though I am back on the road towards freedom in Christ. It has been a process and at times I slide back into the same old habits (anger, swearing, bitterness), but for the first time in about a year I feel as though I am thwarting Satan's advances on my relationship with God. I envision it as myself in a quicksand of sin, resentment, and overall muck being pulled down, only to have Christ's nail pierced hand reach down and grab my outstretched arm. Slowly but surely he is pulling me out of the muck, don't get me wrong it is a painful process, the resentment and bitterness has been a part of my life for nearly a year, but Christ continues to slowly pull me out of the quicksand. Much to my knowledge his hand has always been there, waiting for me to grasp it...praise God that I have finally reached for it.

I'm not sure if the person I talked about it will ever read this post. If you are, and you figured out that it is you I am writing about I want you to know that I am sorry. I am sorry that I have held anger and bitterness in my heart towards you and that I have wished suffering upon you. I forgive you for everything that has happened between us, and while I am unsure if we can ever be the friends we were, I want you to know that I no longer hold the bitterness towards you. May God Bless you and the anyone else reading this entry!