So I've got this thing I do...I'm sure everyone struggles with it, but it's something that I've recently thought a lot about. It centers all around control. Control of my circumstances and how my life turns out. After all, good things happen to those who work hard in America right?
Several things have led me to think more and more about this. One, I've been reading a couple books lately called Crazy Love by Frances Chan and Jesus wants to save Christians by Rob Bell. Both books have been making me take a hard look at what a committed life to Christ looks like. Both seem to hit on the trust concept and how a relationship with God that is fully commitant is one in which all of needs are brought to God with the trust that he will come through. Sounds easy on the surface right? It is hard for me though, hard to give when I have little, hard to not worry about what's going on in my life, hard to not relinquish control.
One of the major struggles lately has been with med school and residency. Worrying that getting grade "X" on test "x" will lead to me not getting a residency spot, etc. I've felt an immense burden lately that I must perform at a high level at all times in order to be successful. My fiancee Taya and I have also been worrying about her finding a job close to where I'll be for clinicals. With the cuts SD has been making to its education programs, it has made the process of finding her a job more stressful.
Both of these issues seem important but there's a problem with how I've been (and I'd dare to say most people view these things) viewing these challenges. See all the times I used "I" in the previous paragraph. In the society we live in it has become far too easy to live a life with God's provision being the "back up plan". If we get in over our heads, then God, help us. Until then, we've got it.
Ever had it that when you are struggling with something, you start reading the Bible and keep finding verses that speak to that particular issue you are struggling with? Phillipians 4:6 and Romans 8:28 have both been speaking to me this week. "Do not worry about anything" is how the Phillipians verse starts, "instead pray about everything". Romans 8:28, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God".
It sounds cliche but everything will work out. This doesn't mean that we can't petition for God to help us with a particular goal of ours, but it ultimately means it will be his will. A friend in Bible study laid it out well. In Gasthemane (spelling?!) Jesus himself asked for a way out of the suffering he was about to endure, but he also added, "your will, not mine, Father".
In the hustle and bustle of life it is far too easy to start worrying about seemingly insignificant things when eternity is considered in the equation. God will place me where I need to be in regards to residency...Taya will get a quality job where God wants her. We are still called in my opinion to work hard for these things (using the gifts God has given us), but in the end of the day it is about trusting that God will work everything out for "the gain of those who love Him".
To God be the glory for whatever this life throws our way....we've got a great reward waiting us in heaven!
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